


Day Off

by stupidlilartist



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Bisexual Spencer Reid, Dirty Language, Drunk Aaron Hotchner, Drunk BAU, Drunk Derek Morgan, Drunk Emily Prentiss, Drunk Penelope Garcia, Drunk Spencer Reid, drunk david rossi, set in season 4, subtle jemily and moreid, this is honestly crazy, wild
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29198070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupidlilartist/pseuds/stupidlilartist
Summary: The BAU received a night off. What did they do? They went drinking.(DRUNK BAU ONE-SHOT)
Relationships: The BAU Team & Aaron Hotchner, The BAU Team & David Rossi, The BAU Team & Derek Morgan, The BAU Team & Emily Prentiss, The BAU Team & Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, The BAU Team & Penelope Garcia, The BAU Team & Spencer Reid, The BAU Team & The BAU Team
Kudos: 56





	Day Off

A time off was rare, but the BAU was lucky enough to receive just that. Instead of vacationing out like the last time they were off -  _ three years ago _ \- they decided to go and party with each other. Hotch claimed it to be a team bonding experience, but deep down, he really wanted to know how his team members acted when they were drunk.

They arrived together in different cars - boys and girls. For Reid, it was endless teasing and he wished he had gone with the women instead. Though, when they pulled up and he heard the car blasting ‘Party in the USA’, he figured it wasn’t much better. They met in the parking lot, standing in a group.

“Y’all ready to get your groove on?” Morgan teased, nudging Emily’s shoulder.

“I’m not drinking,” JJ stated, “But I will not be on babysitting duty all night.”   


  
“I’m not drinking, either,” Reid added.

“Oh, come on, loosen up a bit!” Rossi encouraged.

“I’ve never gotten intoxicated before and I’m definitely not starting with my co-workers,” Reid replied a matter-o-factly.

Hotch opened the backseat of the car and threw his cell-phone inside, “Making sure nobody calls me.”

  
  
Emily laughed at the gesture, simply because it was so unusual to see Hotch not worrying about a case. Penelope led the way, skipping into the entrance of the club. The bright lights flashed in all different directions and the dance floor lit up with matching colors. A large bar perched in between two separate dance floors, each seat completely empty. A variety of games set in different corners, from a car racing arcade game to darts. It wasn’t cluttered as they were expecting, possibly since it was a Monday evening.

Penelope cheered, taking Morgan by the hand to go dance. Hotch and Rossi headed to the bar. JJ and Emily had gone off together to the games, so Reid decided to follow.

“You ever play foosball, Reid?” Emily asked.

Spencer eyed the game closely before replying, “You know, foosball involves quite a lot of physics-”

  
  
“But have you  _ played?”  _ Emily smiled.

He shook his head.

“Alright, I’ll be on a team by myself and you and Emily can play together,” JJ suggested.

Emily arched a competitive brow, “Ooo, someone’s a little cocky tonight, huh?”   
  


“You have no idea,” JJ replied.

They played a few rounds, and in the end, JJ ended up winning. Meanwhile, Rossi and Hotch had just downed their fourth glass. To the Italians surprise, Aaron was a lightweight. He was already beginning to act out of it, blinking slowly and seemingly reminding himself that he existed.

“I don’t get how you’ve had three wives,” Hotch paused for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts. “And none of them have been brutally murdered at the hands of George Foyet.”

Rossi hissed through his teeth, cringing, “Yikes.”

  
  
“Well, she wasn’t my wife anymore, but… How? You know? Things just don’t make sense to me sometimes. Can I tell you a secret?”

  
  
“Of course, Aaron,” Rossi replied, holding his tongue so that he wouldn’t laugh.

“When someone asks me a question I don’t know, I always pray that Reid answers for me. I don’t want the PD to think I’m a dumb bitch.”

  
  
“Nobody wants that.” Rossi agreed, smiling widely.

“And I’m not a dumb bitch, you know. Compared to Reid, I am. Compared to Garcia, I am. But I think I fall third in the smartness-y. You know?”

“I actually think Emily is smarter than you,” Rossi replied as he began to drink his fifth glass.

Hotch noticed this and reflected his actions, “What the fuck, Dave?”

  
  
Garcia and Morgan soon collected themselves and joined Hotch and Rossi at the bar.

  
  
Morgan laughed louder than he meant to, “Hotch is a lightweight?”

  
  
Hotch stared up at him for a few moments in silence, “Shut the fuck up.”

  
  
Penelope and Morgan snickered before ordering their drinks. Emily rushed up to them, a grin on her face.

“What’s up, Emily Hotness?” Garcia smirked, waving around her alcohol.

“JJ just totally kicked Reid and I’s ass in foosball, but we should play beer pong!” She exclaimed.

Garcia put her drink down, getting off her chair, “Oh yeah! Yes please, mama is in!”

  
  
“I always like a good game of cup pong.” Morgan agreed.

“I don’t think Hotch can get more drunk, and if does, it’ll be scary, but I’m in.”

  
  
The five of them collected Reid and JJ and went to a backroom with a ping pong table. Rossi bought red solo cups from the bar and set them up, filling them each with booze.

“Who’s drinking for JJ?” Rossi asked.

“I will!” Emily announced.

“I’m not so sure we should play this,” Reid muttered.

Morgan jolted him gently, “Come on, Pretty Boy, a little alcohol ain’t going to kill you.”

  
  
He shrugged. Spencer decided he was right, though. He would drink, just not very much.

“Girls VS boys!” Garcia suggested.

  
Hotch abruptly cheered, causing everybody to fall dead silent. Eventually, they agreed to the suggestion, and first up to compete was Emily and Rossi. Out of courtesy, Rossi let her go first. She closely aimed first before she threw it, landing directly into a cup. The ladies cheered and Rossi rolled his eyes. He drank the entirety of the beverage before taking his shot. He missed it by a smidge and the girls cheered once again.

“We’re gonna need more cups!” Morgan stated ditzily.

The next two competitors were him and Garcia. She went first but missed the cup. The ball bounced up off the table and nearly hit Morgan in the face, but luckily his reflexes were intact and he caught it. He threw the ball into a cup. The liquid inside splashed on Penelope’s face, but she took the cup with a fierce smile and chugged it.

  
  
“You guys know I’m not well with alcohol.” She commented as she slammed the empty cup back down.

  
JJ and Reid went next. The blonde threw first, successfully making it into a cup. Reid groaned while everybody laughed. He ignored it, though, taking gentle sips until the booze was gone. It burned his throat and forced a burp out from his chest. He shook his head at the sudden behavior, which everybody else found amusing coming from their baby genius.

He took his turn, but it was, expectedly, unsuccessful. Morgan patted his back as he stepped back and let Hotch at the table. Emily competed against him. Surprisingly enough, both made it into the cup. 

By the time they were on their third round of beer pong, Garcia was drunk out of her mind. She attempted to lift her sweater over her head, but JJ and Emily were there to pull it right back down. Reid had to admit, he was shocked he had lasted longer than Penelope and Hotch, though he was feeling a bit nauseous. A side of his mind took over that he was surprised to see - he didn’t want to stop playing.

“Girls drool, boys rule!” Hotch announced.

Garcia sighed, “Guys, I really just want to be fu-”

“Penelope, no!” JJ exclaimed before she could finish her sentence.

“Whew, that was a close one!” Rossi laughed.

“How are you not drunk yet, grandpa?” Morgan asked, leaning against Reid’s shoulder.

Rossi rolled his eyes. Another round was finished, the women winning all four. They were all drunk, with unusual behaviors and thoughts that were accidentally said out loud - with the exception of JJ who was having fun. Penelope had taken off her heels and Morgan held them for her. JJ was surprised they weren’t making out in the corner yet, but the night was still young. Hotch sat in a chair in the corner, seemingly contemplating all of his life decisions while Emily and Rossi slow danced to the loud pop music. Reid had sat down as well, staring at JJ with a confused expression.

“Are you alright, Spence?” She asked.

Slowly, he shook his head. Then, he covered his mouth. JJ rushed to her aid with a trashcan from the corner and set him down for him to throw up in.

  
  
“Reid threw up!” Morgan screamed, “Reid threw up!!”

  
  
The whole team crowded around him as he threw up several more times.

“I’ll go get you guys some water, please keep your clothes on!” JJ urged as she rushed out of the back room and to the bar.

Morgan rubbed Reid’s back as he set the trash can down and leaned back in his chair, “Ow.”

  
  
“Let’s play truth or dare!” Penelope happily suggested, sitting on the floor criss-cross applesauce.

“We’re not in middle school.” Rossi rolled his eyes, “But yes.”

“I’ll go first!” Emily announced, joining Penelope on the floor. “Hotch, truth or dare?”

  
  
“Truth,” Hotch replied as he stumbled to sit down.

Emily threw her head back and laughed before muttering, “No, no, I can’t ask!”

  
  
“Ask, Emily, ask!” Rossi urged.

“What’s your body count?” She giggled.

Hotch furrowed his brows, “You mean people I’ve killed?”

“Yes,” Reid replied.

“No, that isn’t a body count!” Garcia shouted.

JJ returned with plastic cups of water, visibly confused at the sudden conversation, “What are you doing?”

  
  
“Truth or dare, Jayje come sit down!” Emily patted the floor next to her.

JJ shrugged and sat on her knees, handing everybody a cup of water.

“What kind of body count are you asking about?” Hotch asked.

  
  
“How many people have you slept with,  _ duh _ !” Morgan replied.

“I don’t know, I don’t put a tally mark down for every person I sleep with!” Hotch exclaimed.

Emily groaned, “Whatever, it’s your turn to ask.”

  
  
Hotch took a sip of his water, “Okay. Dave, truth or dare?” 

“I think it’s safest to pick truth,” Rossi replied.

  
“If we were all drowning and you only had to save one of us, who would it be?” 

Rossi sighed but didn’t hesitate with his answer, “JJ. She has a kid to take care of.”

  
  
“What? So do I!” Hotch protested.

“Shut up, Jack is older.” Dave retorted.

“Just accept the fact that I won.” JJ quipped.

“Truth or dare, Derek?” Rossi asked.

“Dare. I’m not a pussy.” Morgan happily announced.

“You’re not a cat?” Reid asked.

“No-”

  
  
“I dare you to switch clothes with Reid.”

“What? I’m not going to fit that!” Morgan exclaimed, however, Spencer had already begun taking off his sweater vest.

“Oh my, stars! Strip, strip, strip!” Penelope shouted, throwing one-dollar bills at them as they took off their shirt.

“I’m not a stripper!” Reid shouted, pulling on Morgan’s gray t-shirt.

“I am!” Morgan waved around Reid’s clothing in the air, flexing his muscles before putting on his button-up and sweater vest.

JJ wouldn’t let them switch pants, and Rossi decided it was enough to switch shirts anyway. They both looked ridiculous.

“Nerd!” Emily teased Morgan, punching his shoulder.

“Ow! Truth or dare then, bitch!” 

“Truth, She chose.

“Are you fucking  _ gay? _ ” He asked loudly.

  
“I thought it was obvious!” She screamed, waving her hands around for no reason, “Truth or dare, Reid!”

He pulled at the collar of Morgan’s shirt, “Truth.”

“What’s  _ your  _ body count?” She repeated her question - which she was planning on asking them for the rest of the game.

“What?” His cheeks flushed as everybody laughed.

“Virg alert, virg alert!” Morgan shouted.

“I’m not a virg _ in,  _ asshole!” Reid glared, “Ethan took that years ago!”   


  
“Spence!” JJ exclaimed as everybody else broke out in hard laughter and cheers.

“My body count is two, thank you very much!” He flipped up his middle finger towards Morgan.

  
“God damn, calm down!” Morgan put his hands up in defense.

“Yeah, you motherfucker, what’s your body count?” Spencer’s voice had gone up a million octaves.

“A lot more than two!” He shouted.

“My sweet, beautiful men, please don’t fight!” Penelope urged. “Someone ask me truth or dare!”

  
  
“Truth or dare, Garcia?” JJ asked.

“Truth!” She shouted.

“Do you  _ like  _ anybody?” She asked in a sing-song voice.

“I’m practically in love with everybody here, yes.” With that, she placed a kiss on JJ’s cheek. “Truth or dare, my darling.”

  
  
“Truth.”    


  
“Do  _ you  _ like anybody?” She snickered.

JJ frowned, “Penelope, I have a boyfriend.”

“So?” She furrowed her brows.

“I think it’s time to head home,” Rossi suggested, standing from the floor and helping Hotch to his feet.

“No, please!” Penelope pouted.

“Come on, Garcia.” JJ helped everybody on the floor to a standing position, “The girls and I are going to head to Garcia’s house. I’ll call some cabs for you guys.”

  
  
Morgan and Reid rode together in a cab, while Hotch and Rossi took another.

“Where to?” The driver asked.

Reid grabbed on to Morgan’s arm for support and whispered in his ear, “I don’t remember my address.”

“It’s okay, I do.” Morgan whispered back before announcing, “Capital Plaza Apartments. Thanks.”


End file.
